for anyone who’s wondering, i had my procedure done yesterday and the anesthesia went well! thanks to the people who reached out and gave advice (hannah, josh, carlyn, & ellen) to me. it honestly did make me feel a lot better. all i can say about going under is… WOW THAT WAS FUCKIN WEIRD. i was really nervous in the first place then the doctor came in and told me that the drug they were going to give me was propofol… aka the drug that killed michael jackson. so naturally i had a panic attack and started crying BECAUSE GUISE I DIDN’T WANT TO BE LIKE MIKE. 

but then they started pumping it in me and next thing i knew, i was waking back up. no big deal at all. 

then my mom took me to panera and i got a you pick 2 with broccoli cheddar and the cuban chicken sandwich. 

It was exactly one year ago today that my boyfriend, Tom, looked me in the eye and told me, “I need you to be my girlfriend now, India, please.” 

If I had known all that time ago what our relationship would develop into, I might have been scared. I might not have even believed it. But I know that I still would have gone with my gut and given him a chance. 

You see, when I first started dating Tom, I wasn’t 100% sure that we were right for each other. He was sort of the sheltered, privileged, suburban hippie type. Do you know what I mean? But I saw something him, call it potential, that I couldn’t resist. Behind the blonde hair (almost as long as mine) and the tie-dye shirt was an honest, sensitive, passionate, and curious person who actually showed interest in me. He told me I was beautiful and that he loved my eyes. I was excited and decided to give another relationship a chance. 

I had been heartbroken many times before we dated. There was one point where my heart was so irrevocably shattered that I practically swore off men forever. Then, like some sappy romance movie, Tom came along and changed everything. When we started dating, I finally felt a sense of calm stability that I had never experienced before in my life. 

I know in my heart that the love I feel for him is the kind that people spend their whole lives searching for. We talk about it all the time- how we are the luckiest people in the world for finding each other. I’m so thrilled that he is mine and that I am his. I know that even if by some unfortunate twist of fate we don’t end up together forever, I will always cherish the time we shared together and remember it as one of the happiest and most beautiful times of my life. However, I doubt that will happen… I have so much faith in us and I don’t even want to think about ever being with anyone else ever again. We love each other too much for that to happen.

Tom, if you ever get around to reading this, you are simply the love of my life. I will always be your dandelion.